Speaking

It all started with the need to scream. Aloud.
So I took the more civil way out and started this blog.
When you scream, you say dumb things, you rant, you rage, you say things you dont mean.
Thats how I started.

Now, I feel like speaking again. The demons have been quelled.
The past though not on talking terms is no more the pariah. We are trying to make amends, me and my past. And getting on.
I remain confused though(nothing new there) whether I want people to listen, there is a urge to be appreciated and a fear of criticism.
I criticise so many people, so often. I find most blogs tiresome and boring and hate blogs written by a lot of self indulgent adolescent batchmates of mine.

Inspite of everything, all the callousness and the frivolity, the chucking away of a good career to trade uncertainty, I remain a person driven by the stadium impulse. Every act is followed by a clandestine glance at the galleries, are they cheering? Are they jeering? Are they even listening. The imbecile who does not care but still wants applause or even jeers but not indifference?